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Smoking Monkey's Guide to Suspended Sentences, or Why Melissa Massey Shouldn't be in Prison

Smoking

Ok, so some readers may understand there’s more to this story than first meats the eye… at least why I’m blogging about it. If you aren’t one of the select few who knows, don’t worry as you’re not missing out on anything that thrilling.

I would like, if I may, to offer a little more insight into a story that has been in the Manchester Evening News 3 times in the last week, as well as attracting compassionate and supportive commentary from the bigots who read the Daily Mail. The case involves a 20 year old student called Melissa Massey, who had assaulted a paramedic treating her after a pissed-up New Years Eve in Manchester.


SmokingMonkey lays the smack down

Smoking Monkeys

Right, so let’s get back into the delights of blogging with something light-hearted and avoid the controversy we had with Um Bongo shall we? How are we all doing for Class A drugs?

For the record I am not endorsing, recommending, or condoning drug use at all. If you want to drink, smoke, snort, inject or otherwise ingest chemicals that alter your mood and physiological wellbeing, that’s your decision. All I ask is that you do it in an informed manner, and don’t come crying to me if you end up being used on the front page of the Daily Mail as a warning to others about the risks of your chosen poison.


Time for a reboot

Smoking Monkeys

Oh bloody hell, has it really been so long since I posted anything on here? I have 2 aborted posts that never really got started, but my time seems to have been taken up by nervous breakdowns, work, stress, and playing computer games. Take this as a half-hearted apology, but it’s not like you’ve done anything productive in the last 5 months is it?

Ok, so I will try and do some detailed proper posts soon as i feel like mouthing off a bit about drugs and Government. Let’s face it, the internet and wider world have been on pause waiting for me to pass comment on the new world of British politics. Fear not brave readers, I will provide a definitive appraisal of this all when I get my arse in gear.


The Um Bongo Call To Arms!

Which sick bastard changed Um Bongo?

This is progress?

It all becomes clear. All those tree-hugging-hippy-anarchist-wannabe-tosspots who smash up windows in anti-capitalist demonstrations might actually be onto something. I have seen the devastating impact corporations are having on Third World countries first hand, and it makes me sick to my stomach. It’s like taking the blue pill and waking up from the Matrix.

Which sick bastard changed Um Bongo?

For those who may not know about Um Bongo, allow me to explain. Or even better, watch the video below and allow Youtube to explain more eloquantly than I ever could. I don’t think it’s sold outside the UK, but I make no apologies for sounding parochial.


Things to do before you die/before 2011 (whichever comes first)… the Smoking Monkey's list

Thanks for all the fish!

This is a lazy topic, but as you don’t pay anything to read this I don’t think you have too much of a right to complain.

Anyway, in light of my earlier post about fulfilling my wish of getting a bespoke suit online (for about the price of a 2 piece glued together combo from TopMan), I thought I would share other deep-seated ambitions with you. Because that’s the caring sharing guy I am. I am going to bore the living snot out of you by imparting little snippets of aspiration. I should start charging for this you know.