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Archive for January, 2008

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Coming straight to a dvd near you this summer!

Monday, January 21st, 2008
smoking monkeys blog

There’s no doubt about it, January and 2008 are well and truly here. I wasn’t sure for the first couple of weeks, but the evidence is undeniable. This means that supermarkets are already selling easter eggs and chocolate bunnies (well there’s only 3 full months until Easter). They look quite bizarre when they are located right next to the advent calenders that are still reduced to clear. Also January brings the glut of adverts for summer holidays and opportunities to start saving money for Christmas 2008 with shopping calenders. That’s right, you’ve survived Christmas without being declared bankrupt so celebrate by going to Majorca this summer while saving up for a hamper full of spam.  Read more... (874 words, estimated 3:30 mins reading time)

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Emotional support, and considered counselling… redneck style!

Sunday, January 20th, 2008
smoking monkeys blog

I think I should take the opportunity to wax lyrical about a real gem in TV. I know that it’s not a new programme, and that it polarises opinion, but the Jerry Springer Show is truly brilliant.

There are many shows that enable members of the public to share their deep personal and relationship problems with the baying lynch mobs who form talk show audiences, and who wouldn’t want to be told that their boyfriend/girlfriend was having an affair in front of potentially millions of people sat at home? Only Springer manages to avoid taking itself too seriously, and manages this by a LONG way!  Read more... (859 words, estimated 3:26 mins reading time)

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Return of the Macc

Saturday, January 19th, 2008
smoking monkeys blog

A few weeks ago, TS and I returned to the dark satanic mills of the Glorious North (TM) for a weekend of Sky TV and my Mum’s cooking. Oh, and obviously to see how my Dad is and other considerate stuff like that.

So after a night in a ridiculously over-sized bed, in which it’s actually possible to lose TS if I’m lucky, we made our habitual trip to the Trafford Centre. For those unfamiliar with Manchester and it’s landmarks, Trafford Centre is a giant shopping mall (using American terminology for those who require it) to the west of the city. It combines well-lit glass domes, with some hints of classical Roman architecture. In other words, it’s brilliantly tacky. A recent extension near the food court has the ugliest attempt at marble imaginable! We love it.  Read more... (610 words, estimated 2:26 mins reading time)

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Nibbling on nuts, and sucking down seed.

Thursday, January 10th, 2008
smoking monkeys blog

Apologies for that title, but it seems that innuendo and suggestive comments are handy for onanists coming across the site (so to speak). what’s the point of a blog if random strangers aren’t going to read it while looking for titilation and tubthumping?

Anyway, 4 days as a gym member and I’ve still only been once. The progress has been good, although I am somewhat disappointed that chocolate hobnobs seem to have been less beneficial than i was expecting. I can’t understand it myself, ignoring the chocolate, they contain oats for goodness sake… that makes them healthfoods, surely! Still, the packet has been eaten, so the only solution is to eat TS’ homemade soup (which consists of tinned tomatoes and assorted veg), and snack on seeds. I feel like some kind of overweight blue-tit.  Read more... (708 words, estimated 2:50 mins reading time)

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The time has come for a bit of a clear out

Tuesday, January 8th, 2008
smoking monkeys blog

Like many people, I have viewed the new year as an opportunity to get rid of a few unnecessary thing and focus on better, more efficient living. In my case, the things I am aiming to rid myself of are love-handles, a few pounds of pure blubber, and the inability to get into some of my suits.  Read more... (915 words, 5 images, estimated 3:40 mins reading time)

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