There are times when you need to gaze upon something of real beauty. Times when this dirty, depressing world gets too much for even an eternal optimist such as the Smoking Monkey, and I need my faith restored that there are items of pure physical perfection that exist and replenish the soul.
So where should you go to experience such an item? Try Gems TV
In the first of this series, the Smoking Monkey is happy to outline the different ways shop assistants thoroughly and repeatedly hack him off. This is partly for theraputic reasons and to vent the Incredible Hulk-esque levels of rage, but also for any readers who happen to work behind the tills to think about their own actions, and decide if they are genuinely asking for a slap.
Looking Down At Me
There does come a time when you have to accept that at 28, you’re approaching the end of your mid-twenties (I did A-level maths, trust me on this it makes sense). I have seen the perils of both Jeremy Clarkson and Status Quo, and know that at some point you have to accept that denim is not necessarily your best friend.
My apologies as ever for the sporadic nature of my submissions. Unfortunately work and the real world have got in the way of spouting bile and bilge on here. On top of that, someone seems to have cruelly swapped my spine with one from a 130 year old corpse, which means that on occasion I can’t walk without feeling like I’ve been shot in the kidneys by a Sherman Tank.
My suffering is inconsequential however, when compared to the guilt ridden anxiety that every single British citizen has had to endure for the last 7 days because of Simon Cowell and Britain’s Got Talent.