A Brief History of Techno Scouse

Most of you who seem to be reading this know of me via my ever-loving fiance, affectionately known as Techno Scouse. This is probably the best way to get to know me, as you hear lots of (hopefully) positive things before you actually meet me. That way, when you do meet me, you can assume that I was just having a bad day, and that I must actually be a decent bloke after all.

Crafty, don’t you think?

So what better subject for this Blue Monday than a little background on everyone’s favourite redhead from liverpool [no, not Cilla Black... come on, no-one can genuinely stand that whining mare]. Well, at the time of writing, TS is 21 years old and approximately 3’2″. I can safely say these things, as she is busy playing Final Fantasy online (pretending to be a hybrid of Bernie Clifton and Paul Daniels for those who have enjoyed that post), so she cannot kick me for fear of knocking her laptop onto the floor.

In quite an unusual set of circumstances, I met TS online. I was off work with whiplash (wahaay) following a car wreck [the other git was at fault, and I am STILL awaiting my compensation]. I therefore had nothing else to do but sign on to a dating website and try to find a genuine and normal person. I half managed.

In the meantime, in a distant business park near Warrington, an overweight munter was looking for men who believe that vampires are real. Said freakshow was trying to find fresh meat that she could torment and probably slow-roast.

Luckily for me, the Queen of the Damned had a little friend who had some free time due to a cancelled meeting. She was then dared to send me a message (as my picture was suitably modified to make me look interesting). One thing led to another… which led to me spending ludicrous amounts of time online before I met a certain pocket-cutey in Yates’ Wine Bar, Piccadilly Station, Manchester. To date there are no plans to put a blue plaque up to commemorate the location, but I may start a petition on here.

The rest is history… and has involved various jobs, flats, and some spectacular nights of heavy drinking. She may be the size of Yoda, but this girl can put Malibu away like a Merchant Seaman.

By way of adding further embarassment, you should hear the random stuff she comes out with when legless. The most romantic thing ever had to be when (talking about me going back to my flat) she explained “I miss you… like a moose… misses another moose… when it’s very… far away”

The written word can’t quite capture the slight slur of the words… or the hand gesture that somehow was meant to add gravitas to the declaration.

Sadly, the following morning brings a hangover and amnesia for the little tyke, which led me to take notes for future reference. I am hoping that our forthcoming move will allow me to relocate this mighty tome, for your reading pleasure.

Other than alcohol, TS enjoys the musical efforts of Linkin Park, watching the bloke with the harp on the Jameson’s advert… and the blonde bloke on the Coca-Cola Zero advert… and Johnny Depp (you get the picture), as well as any meal that comprises a large quantityof chicken.

She dislikes wine/grapes/raisins on the grounds that they may kill her, being called Techno Scouse (but don’t let that put you off), and watching adverts for The Last King of Scotland.

I should give some explanation to the origins of the name Techno Scouse I suppose. Obviously, part of it comes from her Liverpudlian origins. However, instead of the standard scally criminal activity of nicking hub caps and trashing bus-stops, she got into the wonderful world of the internet.

For the avoidance of any doubt, I am not saying she got into internet crime. I just mean she uses the net a lot, and now works as a web designer for a wonderful company in Coventry. She has never tried to hack into a website. Ever. She has never been cautioned by the police either, unlike her half-sister (which will certainly come as a surprise to the half-sister, if she ever gets arrested for anything and discovers a secret history)

Anyway… one day I was chatting about her to a barrister friend of mine, and we just decided to celebrate her non-criminal computer profiency, and her non-criminal mersey-ness, the name techno Scouse was appropriate. And with that, a simple alias for the benefit of a Blog was born!

However, I am afraid that is all I have time for tonight ladies and gentlemen, as I have work to do and a lovely lady to hug.

This entry was posted on Monday, January 22nd, 2007 at 7:56 pm and is filed under Thoughts. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.