Smoking Monkey Presents : A Beginners Guide to Linkin Park

Now never let it be said that the Smoking Monkey is not in touch with the modern culture of the streets (for I be down wit da kids), nor that I pander to the whims of certain areas of the internet browsing community. It should therefore not cause any disruption if I were to randomly point out that my favourite member of popular musical ensemble Linkin Park is one Michael Shinoda.

Why would I break my (apologetically long) blogging silence with such an unusual and uncharacteristically positive paragraph? Well dear friends, it would seem only appropriate as young Mr Shinoda has named this very site as one of his 10 favourites from over 200 submitted by devoted readers of his own portal of contemplation. Therefore, itis only right and proper to return the favour and say that Mike is one of my 6 favourite Linkin Park members.

Now it would be self-indulgent to point out that the “Top 10″ is not ranked in order of whose is the best out of this elite grouping, and therefore I am not necessarily the 7th best (I mean come on, I’m after both a French AND a Spanish site). I would therefore not want tensions to arise within the band as a result of me ranking each individual member and pitting them against one another. It is therefore better for all devotees of Nu Metal (I have no idea, but I know it’ll wind up TechnoScouse) if I say that each member is as valued as the others.

However, the reality is very different. There is a clear top 3. A trinity of pure class, and I will discuss these later.

First, it is probably better to say that my knowledge of the band’s work comes from being engaged to a die-hard fan. TechnoScouse loves her shouty rock music, and over the last 4 years has done her utmost to persuade me as to their merits. Indeed at the minute the only CD in my car is Hybrid Theory (though this is in part due to a resident of Salford deciding that it would be a fair exchange to give me a rock through the window in exchange for my ipod nano).

Furthermore, I sustained 3rd degree sunburn in Summer 2008 waiting ALL PISSING DAY for the band to come on stage at Milton Keynes Bowl. That’s right. I endured Pendulum LIVE, Enter Shikari, N.E.R.D., and shockingly overpriced pints of Pimms while slowly developing the sallow skin-tone of Mumm Ra the Everliving, all in the name of watching the band merrily serenade a town in England whose name is an anagram of “silent MonKey”.

I’m sure there will be no doubt that I know what I’m talking about.

So, back to commenting on individual band members from my almost legendary knowledge of them both as artists and as human beings. In no particular order:

Brad- Yes kids, this is what too many evenings playing Guitar Hero could do to you… you could have impressive fingering skills (I mean to play with your own instrument, you smutty little weasels), but at the same time end up with a hairstyle that should only be seen in tribute footage of Michael Jackson when he was 10 years old and still had his original nose. The Afro just doesn’t suit a man flying through the air with his tongue sticking out in the video for What I’ve Done. Buy some  gel, and let’s move on.

Rob- Like all good drummers, has the sense not to stick his head above the parapet. Therefore I know nothing about him, and he escapes without any criticism.

Phoenix- Now as a rule (and it’s an odd rule to have), I like bass players. However, there’s no getting away from the fact he’s named like a character from a Harry Potter book. He’s also a ginger.

Mike- tiny pianist and happy rapper. Seems thoroughly charming, and has outstanding tastes in identifying “Humor, culture, and blogginess from the UK”, though obviously loses points for using dubious colonial spelling of the word “humour.” He’s the only possible rival I have for the affections of TechnoScouse, particularly it would seem if he’s wearing a black shirt that gets wet, such as in the “In The End” Video. Suffice to say, I monitor TS’ Youtube usage carefully.

Chester- Despite having a name that could quite easily belong to a member of the landed gentry, Lord Bennington is best described as Shouty Spice. A rap/singing/screaching style with such astonishing range that I’m almost lost for words. But not quite. He single-handedly keeps the sale of Strepsils afloat in the UK for all little skate-punk wannabes, while also reminding me of a strange man who used to stand outside my window and shout at passing cars. Fine work, sir.

Joe Hahn- Oh Mr Hahn, what can I say. Technological wizard, DJ, player of a strange extended version of popular ’70s electronic noise game Simon, and comedy legend. This is a man not afraid to simply stare at the camera like Charles Manson while a band-mate is talking about whatnot.

Mr Hahn has also been known to hide behind curtains during photo sessions with fans, and to appear just in time for the picture to be taken, all without the lucky fan knowing of the surprise added member (so to speak).

So there you have it. A brief beginners guide to Linkin Park, written by a brief beginnner.

Come back soon for such forthcoming delights as “Comedy Mentals”, and “People of Wal Mart”.

And remember… Mike likes the Smoking Monkey, and the Smoking Monkey Likes Mike.

This entry was posted on Monday, September 21st, 2009 at 2:44 pm and is filed under Featured, Thoughts. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.