Damn I'm good
Well, it’s days like today that really reassure me that I’m in the right line of business. At the same time, it also presented me with a huge moral/professional conduct problem.
I was representing a client in the police station, and had no idea what he was accused of. He is a friend of one of our “regular” clients, so frankly it could have been anything from hijacking trucks to carrying knives.
So… I turn up at the guy’s house (because clients are always worried they will be remanded and have to arrange for someone to take their car home), and after he has filled a bag with assorted things we are off.
Driving along, I explain that as he has previously been arrested he should tell me what the police have already put to him. This stops him from telling me all about something that he may need to change his account about later on. After a day in the office, the last thing I need is having to get shot of a client because of a professional conduct clash.
[Yes, there are rules of conduct... we're not ACTUALLY scum-sucking maggots who only care about fees and causing misery]
Anyway, en route, the client roots around in his plastic bag and pulls out a few packets of sweets. initially he asks if I’ve got any kids, then says I can have them for the fiance. Funny how other people sometimes equate being with Techno Scouse with looking after a small child. Ok… nothing too dodgy about sweets. So far, so acceptable.
However, he then pulls out half of the L’Oreal Paris Men Expert Range… including Skin Renovator, Hydra Energetic anti-fatigue, and Hydra Energetic anti-dull skin (price about 10 quid each)… and my heart sank as he generously said “pick one of these as a thank you for helping me out today”
Now this was a very kind gesture, and it was the first time in my varied career that i have been faced with this problem. This guy is accused of a crime… and his mate (who I have yet to write about on here) is frankly a professional criminal. It is therefore quite reasonable to be a little suspicious of where these items came from.
Thinking almost as quickly as I was driving, I tried to decline, saying it was very kind of him to offer, but I was really ok thanks. Sadly, he insisted… so I had to pick something. He then said that if I wanted, I could have the other 2 thigns for a fiver as well. This I did manage to decline!
After a brief discussion about what the police wanted to speak to him about, I had pretty much worked out the way forward… now all i needed to know was whether the fella was going to be questioned about the theft of a van or posession of heroin.
Eventually we got to the police station, and after a 30 minute wait we were actually joined by the police officer doing the interview. We were all being very friendly… which from previous experience means nothing, as a police officer can become a complete and utter hemmorhoid when they start the interview tape… and while the client was being booked in, I had a chat with the copper.
I won’t go into too many details… because it’s dull as anything, and it’s all confidential. However, it soon became clear that the interviewing officer had had this job dropped on him like a hot turd, and he just wanted to get it dealt with and out of the way. This is always a good sign, as it means that as long as we dont admit to anything but give a fairly good explanation, the officer will try and get the case NFA’d (no further action).
It turns out that the police had given up on working out who had stolen a van [which, by the way, was nicked when the driver left the engine running and went into a bakery to get a butty... pillock], but wanted a chat with our boy because a bag was recovered from a car and contained 5 wraps of heroin. The client wasnt in the car at the time, and hadn’t been seen anywhere near, but it was his bag (helpfully had an envelope with his name and address in it). The big worry is that 5 wraps could be interpreted as posession with intent to supply. This means that chappy would be facing about 3 years inside. No pressure on me!
Well… the answer was straightforward. Bag was left at someone’s house (friend of a friend), client asked a friend to bring it back, and person or persons unknown must have left the Smack in it. Can’t arrest him for posession- he wasn’t even there. This was the client’s account, so in light of the policeman’s apparent attitude we should be on a winner.
As it turns out, I was spot on. Gave the account, officer really wasn’t in the mood to question it, sorted. If it wasn’t for the ridiculous need for a CPS (Crown Prosecution Service) to double check everything, the police would just drop the whole lot, and no further questions for anyone. I somehow doubt that the CPS lawyers are going to try and charge him with anything… though it would be bloody hilarious if they tried to take it to Court.
So what does all this mean… well, 1 new client for the firm, who was so pleased with how i represented him that he gave me the rest of the [definitely not stolen] L’Oreal stuff as a bonus, and he texted the big boss to say what a great job I’d done, and how I had a great career ahead of me.
That is what I call a result 
I would just like to quote :
“Funny how other people sometimes equate being with Techno Scouse with looking after a small child.”
So who’s cooking tea tonight Mr? -_-;
So does this mean you are going “metrosexual” with all those bodycare products?? I guess this also shows that people across the pond make up the same rediculous stories as they do in the states. Criminals are so stupid, which I guess is good for you, gives you work to do.
P.S. I’ll take some tea Zen
Thanks! The site has very much liked. Tell, I can use this material in our magazine? We guarantee the royalties!
SM reply: Yes, the site IS very much liked. Thank you for saying so. Let’s talk royalties. Just what magazine are we talking? If it’s Bella, we can do business!