Smoking Monkeys Presents: CalendarWatch

Hello, and good morning/afternoon/evening/night to you. Welcome to this auspicious occasion, as we formally acknowledge that 2009 is almost at an end (well… ok, so there’s 25% remaining), and look forward with great excitement towards 2010.

Here in the UK, supermarkets are already stocking Christmas treats and festively packaged produce. I now can’t walk through a department store without having to hunt for TechnoScouse as she looks at big metal figurines of snowmen to match the wobbling Father Christmas we bought last year. My work’s Christmas party has been booked (and I have to start plotting novel ways of getting the hell out of it)

And (like the fourth horseman of the apocolypse): Celebrity calendars are available.

Having just been to Borders and seen a number of truly astounding sights, I think that it’s best to make a regular feature (or as regular as anything on this site can ever be) to celebrate and indeed advertise some of the fine items for sale. As ever, if you have any suggestions that you would like to share with the ever-growing legion of international readers of this humble blog, feel free to comment at the end.

So it is my great pleasure to unveil (that word has just made me feel quite ill, as I know what’s to follow) the first of hopefully many in this recurring feature.

MR CLIFF RICHARD, 2010

Mumm-Ra the Everliving has been on the tanning beds

Feast your eyes! Have you ever seen such a fine specimen of 69 year old manhood? No, of course not.  At least not until you give in to temptation, and look at the reverse for a sneak peak of what the next 12 months have in store:

New! Pensioner Action Man! (Replacement hips sold seperately)

I particularly like Karate Cliff.

Now perhaps I’m risking my life here. Fans of “The Cliff” (as I’ve decided to call him) are clearly insane, disturbed, and have access to assorted medications that could be combined to make lethal cocktails of doom. However, as they are also limited to travelling by shopmobility scooter, I am pretty sure I can withstand any biddy-ninja seiges upon my Fortress of Solitude.

What did surprise me though was the absolutely piss-poor grammar in the first (and to date only) review of this on Amazon:

“As usual Cliff’s calendar is great just like the man himself. Alway’s good photo’s and very professional.” C.A. Smith, New Zealand

Learn to use the apostrophe, Mr (or possibly Mrs) Smith. Only then will anyone value your opinion. Well… when you also don’t recommend crap like this.

Still, one good thing has come out of this. My appetite’s gone right out of the window! Anorexia, here we come!

By the way. The above images are copyright of somebody. I have no real idea who to blame… I mean credit for these images. Good work team, you should be proud.

Next time on CalendarWatch: Something for the ladies!

This entry was posted on Monday, October 5th, 2009 at 4:07 pm and is filed under CalendarWatch. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.