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Posts Tagged ‘Does This Crap Cause Eye Cancer?’


Smoking Monkeys Presents: CalendarWatch

Monday, October 5th, 2009
Smoking Monkeys.co.uk

Hello, and good morning/afternoon/evening/night to you. Welcome to this auspicious occasion, as we formally acknowledge that 2009 is almost at an end (well… ok, so there’s 25% remaining), and look forward with great excitement towards 2010.

Here in the UK, supermarkets are already stocking Christmas treats and festively packaged produce. I now can’t walk through a department store without having to hunt for TechnoScouse as she looks at big metal figurines of snowmen to match the wobbling Father Christmas we bought last year. My work’s Christmas party has been booked (and I have to start plotting novel ways of getting the hell out of it)

And (like the fourth horseman of the apocolypse): Celebrity calendars are available.

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The Emperor’s New Clothes, or “Tattoo or Twattoo”

Thursday, September 24th, 2009
Smoking Monkeys.co.uk

Regular readers, if there is such a thing as someone who reads this site that can be described in any way as “regular”, will know that I live in Manchester and so have the delights of the Trafford Centre to keep me distracted from the pain of modern reality. The Trafford Centre, for those who have never seen such a place, is a huge shopping centre/mall, full of assorted freaks and fashionistas. And me and TechnoScouse.

I have always been one to question fashion, and to strive to have my own personal sense of style. That sounds poncy. What I mean is I know what I like, and I like what I know. For many years this was the safe “t-shirt and jeans” combo that is still a faithful standby as I rapidly approach my post-late-mid-20s (I’m 29 in about 2 weeks). However I have also dabbled in somewhat chappish attire of waistcoats (never with jeans, unless you want to have comparisons with Justin Timberlake stamped on your forehead in your own blood), brogue-style trainers, and good-old button on braces. By and large, I wear what I think suits me and not what strangers and magazine editors tell me to wear.

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