Dear reader, prepared to be astounded and astonished as the Smoking Monkey demonstrates yet another gift in his seemingly endless array of talents and abilities. After years of extensive training at the hands of eastern mystics, and also unravelling the mysteries of one of Russel Grant’s jumpers (and that’s a lot of wool), I have mastered the arts of interpreting the stars to predict the future.
Like many people, I have viewed the new year as an opportunity to get rid of a few unnecessary thing and focus on better, more efficient living. In my case, the things I am aiming to rid myself of are love-handles, a few pounds of pure blubber, and the inability to get into some of my suits.
Righty ho… well as I’m having a relatively good day, and so far I have not seen Derek Acorah or Jade Goodey on TV, there is no specific thing I fancy writing about. However, I do fancy adding something to this little blog, in the vain hope of amusing and entertaining you dear readers.
And so, I thought I would give a little look at what’s in the papers. It will give our non-UK cousins a chance to get a flavour of the Nation that spawned an empire. In light of this grand aspiration, it is only proper that I use the finest daily publication as my source of news. I speak of course of The Sun:
Good evening ladies and gentleman
Firstly, I will offer a caution and sincere apologies for my current attitude. I am on a major buzz as i have been read by people other than Techno Scouse (Monkeh to some). I have to be honest, and admit I had my doubts that anyone would read this, let alone enjoy it.
Anyway, today’s rant is brought to you by the vacuous chunks of crap that appear to float on the top of the pool of society. I speak of course of the Celebrity culture, documented by the high-class journalism of Heat magazine.