Things that go Tump in the night
Monday, May 25th, 2009
Imagine the scenario: You’re a dejected TV executive desperate to come up with an idea for a new series. You work for E! Entertainment Network, so no-one’s really looking for War & Peace, but the pressure is still on. You sit down in front of the box to try and find inspiration, perhaps partake in a drink or other substance to get the creative juices flowing. Unfortunately, you over-do it and awake the next day with no idea where the last 8 hours went, and simply grab the stacks of papers that have materialised overnight.
You make it to the office and find that a bad day is getting worse- your meeting has been brought forward, and you go straight in to make a non-existant pitch. With the confident facade beginning to crack, you attempt to marshall your thoughts and hope for the best as you arrange your papers. You can detect at least 3 different bodily fluids on the page, but are more concerned by the fact you’ve either gone blind, or you’ve got a sheet of illegible scrawl. All you can make out are the lines:
Smoking Monkey’s Guide to Self Defence, or Why Munir Hussain Should be in Prison!
Tuesday, December 22nd, 2009Dear readers,
Firstly, allow me to make yet another apology for the huge gap since my last post. Yes, I know I’ve actually missed an entire horoscope. I hope each of you did the only sensible thing possible in the circumstance and didn’t leave your house in case destiny was planning to violently offend you the second you stepped through your door.
It was the only option.
Anyway, I have been very busy, very stressed, and much as I enjoy writing for you dear people it would possibly have killed me.
So what is it that has stirred my mind and dragged me away from the unending tide of shite that fills my desk/bag/brain on a daily basis? Well it’s an old thing that I used to explain to people over and over on MSN messageboards when I could be bothered to irritate and undermine the other opinionated tosspots who bothered with those sites.
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Posted in: Rants, Thoughts Tags: Beating up burglars, Best Solicitor in Manchester, Daily Mail, David Cameron's worth £30 million???, Munir Hussain, News comments, People are idiots, Self Defence, The Sun