What I do, and why i do it
As I have already said, I am a criminal defence lawyer. Now anytime I meet someone new (i.e. when my better third lets me integrate in society because I’ve taken my medication), one of the first questions i get asked is “how do you deal wth it when you know the person is guilty?”, or some variation.
The first thing about being asked this is that EVERY TIME, my new found friend/associate/drinking partner will say “You must get asked this all the time…”.
YES… ALL THE BLOODY TIME, SO WHY ARE YOU GOING TO BE SO PREDICTABLE AND CARRY ON THIS CRAPPY CONVERSATIONAL CUL-DE-SAC????
But no, it’s a fairly innocuous question for you to ask. The big decision for me is which answer to give you. This may depend on how much i’ve had to drink, what kind of day I’ve had, and whether I actually want you to like me.
So the first answer will be something like this: I believe it’s the unalienable human right of every person to have their case heard, and that I am part of a dedicated profession that affords each person legal advice to ensure they are treated fairly whether they are guilty of a crime or not.
Alternatively, I will refer to a couple of specific cases where the police have made a witch’s tit of the investigation, or the defendant is genuinely innocent and had been set up by the victim/one of his mates/the police again. I’ll tell you how this happens more than the public realises, and that my job is to be an essential check and balance to the ever increasing powers of the fuzz.
The final answer, which I must confess I have never actually used, but have it saved in case I am in a scuzzy mood, is as follows:
I don’t really care what they are accused of, or whether they are guilty or not. I get paid either way, and I am actually pretty good at irritating the police, making the CPS look incompetent, and giving my pet scumbag a fighting chance at fooling a jury into returning a not guilty verdict. I enjoy it, I’m good at it… and if I get a result for them, they will instruct me again when they do something else. And it’s always nice to have violent people who owe you favours.
Now let’s face it. If I came out with number 3, you wouldn’t chose to buy me a drink would you?
So next time you have the pleasure of meeting a defence lawyer, do them (and yourself) a favour and don’t ask the question!
Strangely though, whenever I’m near to Liverpool they don’t ask me the question. They just ask if I have a business card they could have. Go figure!
